"OMG! STOP GOING DOWN ON ME!"

Remember the episode back in Season 3 when Jan was taking about Michael Scott in the conference room and she caught herself saying "that's what she said"? That's exactly what I did. **sigh**

Anyways, what happened was, I was taking a sample on my xray machine, and I have to align the sample at the appropriate x, y, and z directions. So I was bringing the sample downward, and then I hit "x" to try to bring it across. However, the platform kept doing down, so...umm...yeah.

"I love this taste in my mouth, and I would love more for dessert!"

Context: Iron Chef

My sister: "I just want to touch one of the balls"

**sister plays with a ball**

My sister: "Hey! Stop coming out!"


Context: You know one of those shower gels with beads in them? That's what she was playing with.

dad's gf - "how long do you think this is?"

dad - "about 8 inches?"

context: i have no idea, they were in the hallway outside kitchen and she was on her way out.

"You can do it hard and fast without it hurting me"

Context: My friend Melanie talking to someone she salsa danced with about leading.

Hooking up isn't that hard - I don't think we need to be there telling them where to put things.

Context: setting up a filling machine

"Does it sound tasty and delicious? Do you want to eat it?"

Context: Burger's Vortex

"Texture and mouthfeel are important factors."

Context: Hamburgers

"When it gets longer, it also gets thicker and harder"

Context: mar?
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------

"I assume this is the one I stick in the back?"
"That's what Aaron said."

Context: Mar?
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------

"If you don't fit in, you won't enjoy it"

Context: mar
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------

"We have a penetration depth problem. We need to know the length."

Context: Boundary value analysis problem

"Why is your thing in front different from mine?"

Context: conversion factors

Someone should add Natalie Barge, btw, I'd do it myself, but I don't have permissions to add another author

"While you can hold it with one hand, I felt a heck of a lot more comfortable using both. "

Context: Rangefinder style camera

"You an have one entering on one side, and another entering on the other side!"

Context: I completely forget. I think we were talking about input streams for a reactor.

I've found someone else to take up the title of Stan. The Adventures with Stan resume.

"Is the cock out? Or did the cock go inside?" - Ella, my "second mom"


Context: this is what Paul said to Ella after: "Ella, it's CORK. Cock is what we use to think."

I understand that corkscrew designers try to be fancy with their new products, but I don't understand why they would make such corkscrews that pushes the cork into the bottle rather than taking it out. Hence the situation above. I love my waiter's corkscrew.

"My finger is all sticky from your thingy."

Context: Hungover Jaime to a hungover Jason Brody after he gave her a jam wrapper to dispose her gum.

---

From the '08 Blog...



---

So it's been 3.5th week of work for me, and I finally got to do some lab work. My boss told me that there are times in which I would have to do manual screening as opposed to using a high-throughput machine. You have no idea how excited I was, because I don't think I can sit around staring at a computer for 40 hours a week watching arms inject things onto plates.

I think my boss has had bad experiences with past interns, because he literally treats me like a retard. "Do you know that you can't use the same pipette tip for two different samples?" But then I went to a GMP training today where the instructor told a story about an intern glass cleaner (I'm sorry, it's already bad that you work in a university lab as a glass cleaner, but to work in an industry as a glass cleaner is a lot more sad), where the intern had decided to forge an entire timesheet where different people sign in because he screwed up on writing down the correct date and then proceed to deny that he forged signatures. No wonder everyone thinks interns are incompetent.

My boss also gives me the worst instructions ever. I asked him how to position my sheet of paper so I can print out labels. He told me "upside down facing in". I did that, and the labels were printed on the wrong side of the sheet, upside down.

"Notice: All entry and exit activity in this building is video recorded"

Context: Security sign in dorm. This is probably one of those things that really only I can make dirty.

Also, check this from Penny Arcade:

http://www.penny-arcade.com/comic/2009/9/4/

Family Feud category:

"Name something that might be too long."

"Insert boy here"

Context: planning the new-hire volleyball lineup

"I get $10,000 just to stick my hand into the hole?"

Context: gay dude on big brother, head of household or whatever. apparently "big brother" told him to stick his hand into the box and get $10k or something. I don't know, never seen the show before...Lyndsey made me check it out.

Take this tool and ram it into the hole. Move it up and down a few times to roughen up the inside. You don't have to go nuts on it, a few solid pumps should do it.

http://autorepair.about.com/od/fixityourself/ss/tire_plug_5.htm

I'm surprised you got a decent print out of that...didn't think the resolution was high enough to make a 8.5x11. soudesuka.

i approve of some of your alconom, btw. can't read the wine labels, but can identify the taylor fladgate and rangpur. also the wine rack and glassware collection is pretty classy

Also, pretty sure I can't call out my boss. Or I could and risk losing a week's pay (which is almost equal to 2 weeks pay as a grad student)..or i can keep doing what i'm doing and work shorter hours than everyone else, haha...granted that may be because i have nothing to do anymore besides bitch-paper work

Q: What happened when Frog's Leap Winery tried making beer?

A: It wasn't very successful; critics said they made it too hoppy.

Eh? Eh?

---------------------------------------------------------------------

"If you like fast, you'll love faster."

Context: WRX. I'm playing with go fast/drive fun cars. Next is Mini! Then Tesla?

Not a TWSS but still lol.

"A USB microscope? Now THAT'S pimp!"

Context: Pimp My Ride. This nerdy Asian chem major has his van pimped and was given a USB microscope as a present.

One of my new favorite lolcats:



Aaron,
Would you be out of place to call out the person who threw you under the truck for changing her reason? That would honestly piss the shit out of me and I'd be tempted to either challenge her/him (I'm getting your boss, boss's boss, and boss's boss's boss confused) at the meeting or confront her/him afterward. Though maybe I'm just being confrontational. I've never been an intern before so I don't have a firm grasp of office decorum.

Also, I used one of your pics to blow up and put on my wall...hope that's ok :).

So what is this, a drying machine? AC control? Interesting choice of options either way ...

(Click on the picture to see the rest of it)

So uh, my boss is the greatest person ever.

Before my final presentation, we came to the mutual conclusion that one of my projects was fucked. Wasn't my fault. I was supposed to calculate amount of waste product generated and estimated time spent switching between various products (changeover time) based off of the way the lines are currently running...one line ran 150% of the "alotted" time for changeovers last month. The month before that, they ran only like 5% over. That's pretty much how it was since April. So when my boss's boss saw all the data and saw how I hadn't calculated all that stuff because of the bad data, she was like "yeah...don't worry about that, there's nothing you can really do and it isn't your fault it all"

My boss before my presentation was like "Hm...that...yeah...you really can't do anything about that...I assigned you this project before I realized how screwed up the process is down there. I didn't know until like 2 weeks ago (we found out the same data at the same time through different meetings)...so...yeah, just present this and say that this is how it is and that you can't do much about it"

During my presentation, my boss's boss's boss asked a question as to what all this data meant for my project...my boss explained that the current situation is so bad that no one can do any meaningful data analysis from it...she would know, she's now assigned on a team to figure out how to fix the problem. After like 2 more minutes of questioning, she changed the reason why I didn't have results calculated to:

"Oh, well, he spent too much time on one of his other projects and didn't focus on this one enough. In hindsight, I would have told him to start this project a lot earlier."

This was during my presentation. Afterwards I was just like "...wtf...show some backbone and respect to your intern...especially when he's literally standing right in front of you"

During our "presentation review," she told me that the reason why I didn't have deliverables on this project was because I didn't start working on it early enough and that it was my fault I had nothing to show in terms of theoretical calculations for waste product generated and changeover times.

When she said that I was just like "Man, it's a good thing I don't care about a job offer from this place, holy shit, I just got thrown under a semi-trailer truck towing a bus made of lead"

"He was only in there for a few seconds, I wanted more."

"He was only in there for 20 seconds!"

Context: Brendan Fraser's role in GI Joe

---------------------------------------------------------------------

"It was this big around *circle motion*, about this thick *fingers show thickness*, and had 'happy birthday' written on it."

Context: Cake

---------------------------------------------------------------------

"Eat the damn thing and like it."

Context: Cafeteria food?

"Lick it. Suck it. Swallow it."

Context: some guy was wearing a "Big Johnson Tequila" T-Shirt and that's what it said. Not sure if that's a real tequila.


So. background check done! i'm not a criminal. let's just hope that all the weed i've inhaled through Ben and Logan will not affect my drug test results.

Home Sweet Home

It's ok ka, i was also disappointed when I realized it didn't say fail.

Ran accross this little tidbit in a cornell blog, in a list of building criticisms:

"Olin Hall – might suit a department of alchemy better than chemical engineering"

(Who said there was any difference, anyway? In one, you make stuff up and hope it works. In the other. . .)

"you can't beat it for 20 cents a minute anywhere else"


context: radio ad, for 1-800-free-sex, where they tried to convince you it's not just sex.


so im looking at the bottom of this blogging window, where you can add labels for this post. i swear i thought it said "e.g. scooters, vacation, fail". i got really excited for a second until i realized that it actually said "fall"

also, since the same radio station has been playing "epic" fairly often nowadays, i finally sat down and listened to the lyrics. omg.

Emicly, wow.

Also, from work! My boss's boss (probably the equivalent of a step under owning an entire national business) believes that the definition of "land-locked" is having no floor space. Landlocked means...well...look it up. Long story short, that's not what it means

Also, I have to update this Excel spreadsheet that has a bunch of info on it for a model. Which basically means I opened it and went like "Damn. Not only are half the numbers wrong, there's a crapload of useless or redundant info."

Two pairs of sheets were redundant. One of those pairs had this magical reference "map" (did trace dependents) on ONE cell in each sheet. (Obscured "sensitive" info that no one would use ever)


I'm fixing that mess. Technically twice. Yayyyyyyy...y.

Edit: So there's a lot more wrong with this sheet than what I've mentioned/shown. For example, the Summary sheet is referenced in the calculation sheets. Several times. Repeat...the Summary (results, end product) is referenced by the calculation sheets (process) as inputs. The original writer also couldn't decide whether or not to lock column references whenever he wrote code, so copy-pasting or dragging cells across to new columns will alternatively work or not work. Despite having a general information tab for cells to reference, he allows the user to change equipment specs on the calculation sheets. The equipment info was completely different on the calculation sheets and the eqpmt spec sheet. Aaaaaand, the original writer is the equivalent of my boss's boss.

More fun than find-the-corkscrew (my favorite moving game)

"This is the thing you do. . ."
"Sex!"
". . .when you want something from someone. . ."
"Sex!"
". . .and you have something hanging over their head"
"Sex!"

Context: Taboo with shpang and theosaur. (target word: blackmail)

"The flavors just explode in your mouth!"

Context: Food Network, customer reviewing the Bloomin' Onion at Outback

-------------------------------------

"Gusher or dry hole?"

Context: Have no clue

-------------------------------------

"Meaty deliciousness!"

Context: Mar?

-------------------------------------

"If you eat it right, you'll have lots of spots on your shirt."

Context: BBQ

-------------------------------------

"I saw kids doing it. It was the coolest thing in the world and I wanted to do it too."

Context: Marglmarglmargl

-------------------------------------

"It was about this wide. Basically an appropriate width for its length."

Context: Forgot

-------------------------------------

"If you go down there, sometimes you can find something that's not really that bad, like it's all pretty tasty, depends on if it's worth the price."

Context: Restaurant.

-------------------------------------

"I pulled it out and it just started gushing. I was like 'REALLY?!'"

Context: uh?

-------------------------------------

"It really made my tongue happy and kept me thirsting for more."

Context: Dunno

-------------------------------------

"Opens wide for great taste.

Context: Beer can

-------------------------------------

"Says 2 slots oughta be empty at all times, so 2 slots need to be empty!"

Context: Mar

-------------------------------------

"I told you it was too big to fit in my mouth, Boss."
"It is always better to do it together than by yourself."
"I've done it both ways, sooooo...."

Context: Whiteboard at the plant

-------------------------------------

"The area and amount of protein in contact changes depending on how much is held inside the hand."

Context: Taco Bell food prep machines

-------------------------------------

"We only do hard woods."

Context: Flooring company

-------------------------------------

"My mouth's burning right now."

Context: Peppers?

==========================

Sorry, kept forgetting to post those. That's weeks of twss's

Also, I'm really looking forward to going back to Ithaca and not having shit to do! Taya/Zeke and I will have fun, although I'm sure it's weird as fuck.

On a beer-related note, these Midwesterners can make decent beer. Not talking about Budweiser (St. Louis), St. Louis has a few good brews (Morgan Street Brewery, Schlafly) and Kansas City has at least one (Boulevard)

"Non-greasy? It's making me feel so slick right now! I feel like I can stick this into things! I am completely lubed!"

Context (unfortunately): My little brother referring to his bottle of moisturizer being "non-greasy". But I guess he must've put a whole bottle of it onto his leg. Kids these days...

"I still can't figure out how to put it in there."

Context: These two guys trying to figure out how to add contacts into their cell phones.

Let's say that when you know that you don't belong to Ithaca anymore, it feels super weird going back. Going to 301 NOT 2A is also very weird, since the door code still hasn't been changed.

But I did managed to get my best friend hooked on to Ithaca/Saranac/Yuengling beers that he spent $65 at Wegmans.

Close Enough.

So uh...I gave my midpoint presentation last week. I followed the Varner Design principles of powerpoint: everything in a title, lots of pictures, using words, having links to actual information, and being able to show/conduct/explain all the calculations when asked. I also tailored the presentation to not have too much technical data because I was told the bigwigs wouldn't care too much about the little numbers not related to money. This meant keeping Excel and such open to show the actual mechanics of what I've done.

Feedback? Manager said my slides were "very informative and artistic, but not very technical. Don't be afraid to show bar graphs, line graphs, and/or bullet points during the final." To which I almost said "I know. That was the point. That was also what you advised. And how am I supposed to show visual representations/comparisons of NUMERICAL data with no NUMBERS or basis for comparison?" But I held back. I usually hold back a lot of my thoughts here to not make people feel upset about how dumb I think their thoughts are.

Just thought you guys would like to see how I've used my Design skizzles. Apparently everyone did like how everything looked awesome.

"$1000 a hole."

Context: Some commercial for Entourage or something. It was golf related.

Hi from Kansas City, Missouri! Which is pretty much the same as Kansas City, Kansas

"If you want to get a man's attention you have to buzz his tower"

Context: Heard it on a golf channel commercial when a guy tells a girl to hit a ball at a group of douchey guys. I started to laugh and my dad looked at me, smiled, and shook his head.


I definitely love having a camera now and have been practically spamming pictures since I got it. Aaron, it would be awesome to have your pics but the big gap period I was referring to was from October of freshman year to January of Sophomore year. In that 15 month period I have only one set of pics (though that set is pretty epic...DKE jello party with jello wrestling!).

Now all I have to do is survive through monsoon season in Florida.

Ka, I totally agree with you about Bobby Flay. It makes me so happy when I see him lose those throwdowns.

Finally, this is an absolutely amazing a cappella rendition of Africa by Toto. The intro is especially fantastic.

"It's all over my dress and it's all wet and sticky."

Context: Little girl with melted ice cream, I think. I just got to this one but I think I heard it weeks ago.

"Melissa, you have so much inside of you that you can offer."

Context: Bobby Flay to one of the finalist of "The Next Food Network Star" about her potential.

p.s. I really hate Bobby Flay, especially watching him in Throwdown.

"You need to do it long and fast. I mean, you COULD do it long and hard and some people do that, but that's not what I'm asking you to do and it isn't good for either of us, since I'll just make you do it all over again."

Context: Peak breath velocity measurement at doctor's office. I started coughing to cover up my laughter, which doctor (she, so yes, it is what she said) assumed was due to irritations from using the testing device.

Duuuuude, Ka...that sucks =( can't believe how fail some companies are being lately...I know Eugena got like "roped" into her uncle's company in Japan (she had to quit a job like 1.5 months before she was supposed to start to be forced to work for her uncle), and the company didn't even arrange a work visa for her. But yeah, CAR SHOPPING! i wanna help!

the ideal car for any situation...ever...now or in the future...is clearly the chevy camaro ss. if you disagree, i know 426 horses who say you're wrong.

...i wish. seriously, i like cars! i wanna help!

And Jer, keep taking pictures, upload them to facebook imo.

didn't dave, jurrie, or shpang bring their cameras? come on! and joe, where's your photos of shtuffs? and hubbub? and preetims? and emicly?

"OH!! I CAN SEE THE HOLE NOW!"

Context: My little brother examining the mini-golf course, as seen below.


Well the work front isn't going so well on my end either. BI failed to start my background check until 2 weeks ago, and at this rate I don't even know if I still have my job. I am looking for a car to buy though, any suggestions (Honda Fit, Mazda 3, Toyota...)

I keep getting crap from fellow '07 and '08s regarding hanging out with you '09s. I'm sorry, you guys are just way cooler. Though I now am invited to Reunion 1.5 from the '08ers whom I never really hung out with back in the day. This is going to be interesting =)

Poor Aarontar. I hope you can leave P&G in one piece.

Jeremy, isn't having a camera the best thing ever? I need to start carrying it with me at all times though, or have one in the dashboard, so I can take pictures while I am driving, such as this one.

Context: The top part of the ad read 'Ear Piercings.'

Dude Aaron that sucks. What you could do is hire Center as a consultant and have him rip them to shreds. If anything it would be satisfying to watch.

Also, silver lining: if you hate P&G again then you are probably looking forward to grad school even more, eh? Woot!


Also also, on an unrelated note, cameras are the devil. Now that I actually have one, it's made me realize how many things I missed out on taking pictures of. Basically, the only pictures I have from the 4 years at Cornell are from Aaron and Ka. Granted, those cover a lot, but I'm wondering what the best way would be to get more pics without being a pain in the ass and asking people to post/send pics. I feel like facebook is the only option but the quality is subpar. If I never got a camera, none of this would have happened. Grrrrr...

"You can get the stick in, but it's a very small hole."

Context: How to take a sample off the machine

We had an intern/senior management networking event today. One of the side things was a pretty cool project that some of the actual engineers did while working full time. They entered some car competition where you build a raceable car (real car) using the current year as the budget. They entered the competition in 2007, so they had $2007 dollars to spend.

The engineers realized that there was no way they could build a car that would simply go fast for $2007, at least not do so and win. The competition involved lots of turns and twists on the course, so they decided to install some ridiculous blower to generate vacuum/pressure difference from the top and bottom of the car. It works really well, 1000 # total (only about .24 psi I think, but large area covered) of downforce. They were describing the system to us, mentioning the pressure change several times when

Engineer: "Yeah, this blower is crazy, it sucks 9 inches of water constantly."
Intern: "Where does the water go?"

Also, I hate it here at P&G. Again. I've talked with a few full-times who graduated from Cornell and other places and have worked here for like <2>

Project is going down the shitter too. I've never seen a piece of equipment that seems to exist for no reason at all. The max capacity of the machine is like over double the needed rate and none of it seems to be remotely close to theoretical execution.

So a fluid bed dryer is supposed to have the exiting air stream be fully saturated with water, in theory. This dryer takes incoming air at 77% relative humidity in the summer...and exhausts it at 51% RH.

Sorry for the rant, but I know I can't post this on my normal blogs or facebook.

Pre-context: "This can be visualised as a central core of diameter x, with typical a curved spiral wound around of thickness half x, although of course in reality it is made from one casting."

Quote: "This shaft fits inside a heavy duty rubber sleeve, of wall thickness typically x also."

Immediately followed by: "As the shaft rotates, fluid is gradually forced up the rubber sleeve."

Which precedes: "...as the shaft is "rolled" around the inside surface of the hole."

Real context: Pumps. Again. Only this time it's progressive cavity pump instead of centrifugal. Also, I found these today while at work because I was looking at what these pumps were. I almost fell out of my chair with my boss's boss's boss watching

"A large slot adorns the front, labeled 'MEAT IN'."

Context: Video game describing a beef grinder

"More fun for your mouth!"

Context: Don't remember.

Also, Ka's note on Preetims is probably the creepiest image i'll have all summer

"Last time I played I had a 60-year old guy standing behind me holding my stick teaching me how."

Context: Preetims talking about her past pool experiences at Carly's house.

"...now you no longer have to sit by the window to take it all in"

Context: A radio commercial about a newly renovated restaurant with an apparently nice view.

i fail to see whats wrong with that picture :)

why that picture. srsly. lol.

"The hard is what makes it great."

Context: Someone at work quoting Tom Hanks

"Can I touch you? Can I stick my finger in you?"

Context: My sister trying to figure out if Anti-Valentine (my angry Betta) would bite her if she sticks her finger in the water. I don't know why she was talking to him.

"What's your favorite part of the show?"
"When I shove long hard things down my throat."

Context: Question was asked to a sword swallower from the freak show at a carnival.

"Everyone's doing that orally!"
"You and me have never done that orally..."

Context: I think this was about work performance reviews...I don't remember, I couldn't text this earlier since this was my boss' boss (I think) and was surrounded by my boss friend/coworker

"Size-wise, we need the biggest we can get"

"It can only suck what it can suck"

"She said, the bigger the better"

Context: work stuff

"Sometimes size matters, and this thing is huge. And handles like a dream."

Context: Forza Motorsport 3 preview.

With hands gesturing at the crotchular area:
"It was about this long *length gesture* and this thick *circumference gesture*. But the best part was it was completely full of cream!"

Context: Diana's mom describing a cannoli.